Because I just realized I SELDOM wash our mini cooper and Subaru!

Every car in Rocklin is nice and neat, even if it is an old car.

The first several weeks when we settled in this town, we were very busy running between home and Squaw for Alexander's ski team every week.

We came back with a very dirty car. And it made our car outstanding on the road.

The second week, we forgot to wash the car again. Even Helios, a man who seldom reacted to the outsiders' opinions, started to feel panic.

As every car! Every! Single! One! in Rocklin was as clean as new.

So one day, I passed by Quick Quack, and I drove right into it without hesitation, quickly signing up a monthly subscription.

I sent a message to Helios: Finally! We don't need to worry about how dirty it is!

There are at least four car wash stores in the intersection of our neighborhood. I always wondered how they could have business in such a small town.

I have to admit, I am totally wrong. The market demand is overwhelming. There is always lines right outside the store.  And during the weekend, you might have to wait a black away for a quick wash.

#石林镇纪事

大清早迷迷糊糊，我听到耳边不停飙着尖锐的童音。

哆哆嗦嗦摸出手机一看，卧槽六点半！

勉强睁开眼睛，大力正坐在我的枕头上裹着我的被子以秒速往外蹦话。

他用极其夸张的语气在和我描绘此刻后院的高处正站着一只金色灰边的狼，精神抖擞地在嗷叫，一如杰克伦敦笔下的巴克。

于是我彻底醒了。然后茄瓜也被弄醒了。

然而这依然不能改变他八点二十五上课迟到这个事实。

我们家离学校只有四分钟车程。

大力七点半就坐在餐桌边上。他花了十分钟时间抱怨早餐太烫，用了另外三十分钟在看书——别人是边吃饭边看书，他是边看书边吃饭。如果我让他放下书，通常他不是不知所措地坐着发呆，要么就干脆站起来绕着餐桌不停地走啊摸啊，偶尔才想起来夹两口饭。

我喊他去刷牙，真的要迟到了。他答应了一声走回了房间。过了一会，我暴躁地发现他撅着屁股趴在乐高堆里，心无旁骛得让人发飙都不知道怎么下嘴。

他到达学校的时候差两分钟上课铃响。校长站在门口，疯狂地晃着上臂提醒他加快速度，他一边友好地和校长挥手打招呼，一边双手插在裤袋里，非常酷地以慢镜头回放的方式折进学校。

把他送到学校并不是我可以葛优躺一整天的终点，毕竟我还得处理茄瓜昨天自告奋勇精神断片式育儿留下的烂摊子。

昨天我临时有事要出门，刚好大力和Sabastian约了想要放学后一起玩。我问茄瓜，那不如让Sabastian妈妈一起接走，我回家的时候再把他接回来。

茄瓜父爱爆棚，胖手一挥，断然表示”我可以带他，没有问题。“

中间我问了一句：“你们在干嘛。”

慈父愣了几秒钟回答我：“我在开会，他在玩ipad。”

所以你是何苦不让他去Playdate！？

等我到家，大力正蹲在草坪上百无聊赖，手上提着家里的车钥匙。我脑海里就是一副场景：他可能随时一脚油门就去游车河了，等回来了爸爸还依然一脸无知地在开会。

我车都还没停稳，大力就打开车门坐进去，一副理所当然的样子指挥我去Sabastian家。

所以在他的心中，约会并没有取消，只是稍微延迟了而已。

我和他解释了一下——当场爆哭。一边哭一边把他刚买的弓箭套装甩了出去，表示人生太辛苦了，他觉得这辈子再也不会有机会和Sabastian玩。

这是大力的一种常规模式。别人遇到挫折，可能看到的是个小水坑，跨过去就好了。大力不行，别人眼里的小水坑在他眼里是广袤的太平洋！他能从今天不能玩，外延无限扩大到这辈子都失去了机会。

我跪了。

因为茄瓜的一个“吾能吾实不能“，大力收获了一个满满正能量的ipad下午以及另外安排上的新playdate。

他的内心，应该非常希望爸爸持之以恒地献爱心。

这种持之以恒，大概也是他从茄瓜那里获得的最好的基因传承。

对，他们能持之以恒地一起喊妈妈，也能持之以恒地连续不断吃同一种食物。

茄瓜还在读博士的时候，实验室在地下室。他能关在里面一两个月不出来，每顿饭就是速食粉丝速食粉丝最多加块豆腐。

我从来没见过如此能在味蕾上断舍离的人，以至于我至今都对我的厨艺表示深深的怀疑，毕竟如果他说好吃，可能我做饭的质量也即是比方便粉丝加冷水豆腐稍微好一点点罢了。

大力就更绝了。他有一阵子非常迷恋吃In & Out，除了早餐，每天午晚两顿雷打不动。那段时间买到穿梭点餐通道的小哥都已经认识我们的车，远远看到就跑过来问他，芝士汉堡加烤洋葱不要番茄不要生菜，对不对？

开车的我只有出气没有进气。

有一次他和Scarlett约着一起玩，居然和人家说一起去In & out聚餐。还和小雅拍着胸脯对In & Out大唱赞歌。

我曾经很喜欢In & Out的，这是我为数不多喜欢的速食连锁餐厅。但在大力连续吃完两周二十八顿毫不走样的芝士汉堡加烤洋葱不要番茄不要生菜之后，我觉得我这辈子情愿吃Wendy's的方形汉堡也不想再看到In & Out的红黄闪电logo。

当然二十八顿才不是大力偏执的人生高光，八十七次才是！他三岁的时候非常喜欢看Wall-E。每天都用含混不清地发音吵着要看一遍。这部电影，他看了八十七遍！我读大学的时候为了写影评《狮子王》不过看了七遍，就受不了Endless night，而看了八十七遍Wall-E的大力，依然能够对剧情津津乐道谈笑风生，仿佛每次都是看了一部新电影一般如沐春风。

我能再跪一次。如果再想想他们平时喊我妈的次数，我觉得我能长跪不起直接坐化。

大力刚开口说话那会，老是喊我妈，最高峰的时候我算过，一天喊了1349次。基本上每一句话开始必定是”mama“，中间可能夹杂一两声，最后以”mama”收官。我总觉得哪一天我百年归老（也可能英年早逝），我的追思会一定不会寂寞，一声声的妈妈也肯定可以喊的高低错落别开生面。

很多时候的场面是这样的。我这边火急火燎在做饭，那头大力在喊妈妈你看，另一头茄瓜也疯狂地喊“mama mama……”，我只想一巴掌拍碎他们的声带。

很久之后我才意识到，三十七岁的男人妈宝起来，真的可以不拿自己当成年人。前几天我和大力在讨论暑假的安排，茄瓜硬生生插进一句“太惨了，你们总是不带我出去玩。”

大哥要不你潇洒一点带薪假用上啊！难不成你出不去的日子我们也得跟着在家困兽斗？！站在道德的洼地制造愧疚感，也是一种偏执入骨，然而还无法批评，毕竟人家振振有词颇以为然。

昨晚我和酒竹子在协调播客的时间，那会刚好也是大力的睡前读书时间。

我和她说我想想等会大力睡了再回她，然后补充了一句：“我快被他吵死了。一直妈妈……妈妈……妈妈……说一句话就喊一声妈。我觉得我等他睡着了，我本来想好的东西都被他妈妈妈妈妈妈挤出了脑袋。”

酒竹子赞美我：你付出了努力和艰辛，大家收获了快乐。

容易么我，一个正常人给两个ADHD做妈。

我本来可以是海明威的！（不，你不是！）

Alexander tried to persuade his dad to buy and install a morrison shelter or an Andeerson shelter at home.

He also tried to convince his dad that eating less pistachio would be good for his health as when war times comes, only small children or two thin parents could fit in the morrison shelter, or else he might get stuck in between.

Helios made a strange grin, and said: “It is fine. Anderson has an updated version called Mike & ANderson. With Mike & Anderson, you will receive a full shelter of deep fried seafood.

Mike & Anderson is a seafood restaurant in Baton Rouge. But other than the live oyster in their menu, most of the seafood was deep-fried, which really scared me out the first time when we visited. As a native by the sea that grew up with tons of fresh steamed seafood, I can not deal with them when they are wrapped in golden crispy crust.

Alexander replied: “ when the bomb throws, we will all be blown into bits.

Helios quickly answered: No, we will all be rested in PIECES.

And he was satisfied with his quick response. “Haha, it is called the art of language.” Away he went for dumping the trash.

Alexander asked me this morning when he left for school.

Mama, do you think I am qualified for Olympics?

"Yes, Of course. You are gifted and talented, and you are qualified for anything as long as you work hard towards it." I replied.

And he continued to ask, So am I qualified for Math Olympics.

I halted for a while, and answered with hesitation, "Yes." Oh well, you never know, right? Though currently he refused to do any repetitive drills including math practices.

It was his turn to be soaked in silence for several seconds, and he quickly said: "Oh well, I would prefer to becoming the world's most famous video game player. I am comfortable with stopwatch, rather than timer."

He basically doesn't deal with the timed practice. So Sprint is what he hates the most in the math workbook.

But Alexander still kept talking.

He threw tons of riddles to Helios. And no matter what the riddle ended, it always began with Helios being trapped in the room. But the riddles did not even have a logic in them that even the Jesus could not know the answer. It felt like you walked in a building, but you can't either find an elevator to go upstairs, or get an exit to step out. However Alexander did not realize he was giving out dead-end riddles. Instead, he was so excited that he could not stop talking.

Alexander said: Dada, now I've got a good riddle.

Helios whined, why should I need to answer riddles all night？What about you tell me what the answer is to 9x6.

Alexander cried out loud: Dada, don't you know the differnce between riddle and math question？We are talking about riddles.

Helios replied: But at least math question has a answer! And your riddles don't!

I laughed like I was crazy. And I added: But Alexander's riddles have their own answers defined by Alexander to his convenience.

When I came back to pick him up, I asked him: have you made any friends yet?”

Alexander shook his head and replied NO.

I was so surprised that I kept asking: “why? What about the boy you played with this morning with the poles? Is he your friend now?”

He thought a while, and looked at me: “Conner? He is not my friend.”

Why? I was curious.

His face turned red. “Because I am not ready yet!”

Ready for what?

He took a deep breath and then explained: “Listen, I am not ready because I am jealous about him. When we have trainings up on the mountain, he could always win about, let’s say, ten times out of twenty, but I can only win five.”

Oh well, So do you have any friends in the team?

Not yet. He replied.

Helios showed a weird smile on his face. After Alexander walked away, he asked me: “So based on his logic, can we say he is the weakest since he has still not yet made friends?”

If being mean is part of the gene, I would say they are born to be father and son.

The first time I realized it was several months ago when Alexander wrote down a K, Helios wiped it out and said: “No no no, it was not your middle name. Your middle name should be L.”

But K was my last name. And we decided to use L.K as his middle name TOGETHER when he was born. That night when we finally made our mind, he leaned against a chair, and laughed out loud like a psychic, because it did sound fun when it was translated to our native language.

Tonight, we got an email from the school district about Alexander’s placement, in which Alexander’s full name was clearly stated. Helios shouted when he opened the email: “What? Is Alexander’s middle name got two words?!”

Two years ago, when we went to The Pancake House in McCall for the first time, Helios ordered two dishes out of hundreds of dishes printed on a newspaper-like menu. A year ago, we went to that place again, he placed the same order AGAIN before he realized he did the same thing a year ago.

He was very proud of that, as he said it is STATELESS as defined in the engineering industry.

Oh Well, he showed the stateless state after he learned Alexander’s middle name 7 years after he'd become his father. He leaned against a chair, and laughed out loud like a psychic.

Alexander was so surprised that he raised his voice and said: “Do you know why holiday is invented? Because we give the people who need to work a break!”

This is not how the holiday works!

His dad shrugged and said: “Oh well, how should I work if the holiday doesn’t work like this?”

After saying this, he acted like he was just creating a golden motto, and requested me to write it down as soon as possible.

So I asked Helios: “What kinds of floorings would you prefer?”

I read from the screen: “Hard wood, solid wood, engineered wood, laminate wood…”

Upon hearing Engineered wood, he all of a sudden turned unusual expressions on his face that were difficult to describe. Silence for a while, he said, slow and cautious, “If I would be made into flooring, I would rather be installed in the bedroom.”

He held a book to cover his face and thought for a while, and gave me an affirmative answer.

So I said: “So you need to have a strong will to win. “

“Yes,” said Alexander, “I would like to win the championship, so that I could win the gold medal.”

I was so surprised and touched to hear what he said, as I have never known he is a kid with such strong will.

And he added: “And if I win the gold medal, I would make a fire and melt the medal and make them as ingots. So that I would become the richest man in the world.”

“What I need to do is to win several medals and a big fire.” He looked hopeful.

“And we’ve already got a big fire pit in the backyard.” His dad pointed at the Solo Stove.

Oh well, they are still the family I’ve known.

Alexander has a very good buddy named Santino in Ninja class.

But yesterday he apparently was not happy about Santino. He tried to keep distance from him, squinting at him with anger all the time. He even ran to Santino’s mom for a report right after class.

The first word he said was: “Santino is a cheater.” Santino skipped counting when he was required to do push-ups.

On the way back home, I asked Alexander why he was so mad at Santino, because as his mother for almost 7 years, I know my son might have a strong sense of justice, but definitely not this level of outrage.

He mumbled in the rear seat: Santino cheated but he was never caught. It was so unfair, why did the instructor always know I was cheating? I am so jealous about him.!”

I was working.

Alexander kept running around me like a perpetual mobile.

I had to stop and tell him: "Can you please stop for a while?"

He took a peek on me and walked out of the room without saying a word.

But shortly in a few seconds, the electric drum playing to its extreme volume started to fill every corner of the house.

He ran back and told me: "Mama, I decided to write a song, which I will name it You Are Such a Mean One!"

I think, what Alexander could recall how it feels like in celebrating spring festival in China when he grows up, might be concluded as Food, Full, Fool.

He told me after the New Year Eve Dinner with my parents. - "I ate a lot of food and my tummy grew and grew and the clothes burst."

But he was too naive. My dad did not even finish his feeding plan. He was still in the kitchen stir-frying the fish crust.